Rosh Hashana Profile: Maria Fernanada Almeida, Portugal
Maria Fernanada Almeida
“I would love to hear the sound of a shofar” – Maria Fernanada Almeida, 50, from Senhora de Oura, Portugal, tells her story for Rosh Hashana.
I will never forget that night – Christmas Eve. I was 5 years old, and the entire family gathered for “the holiday.” During the celebration, my father revealed that his father’s family was of Jewish decent. My grandmother – his mother – became silent. I never got over it.
But when I grew up, I was married in a church as part of the Portuguese tradition – and felt great emptiness during the ceremony. Something was missing.
Several years ago, I suddenly felt a spiritual longing, a need to develop, to become a better person. I needed answers.
I visited the Sistine Chapel in Italy and discovered that all the amazing paintings there are related to the Bible. Something erupted in me. I realized that the truth was in the bible, and that this was the people I belonged to.
I knew there was a Jewish community in Porto, but I never had the courage to go there.
I began buying books of Judaism, the first one – chumash (the five books of the Pentateuch). When I received it, I felt that the cord had been cut a long time ago – and that now I was holding both its ends. I felt huge joy mixed with deep sadness, and I broke into tears.
Two years ago, I discovered a cousin who is also of Marrano descendant. We discussed the ignorance in our family, and she suggested that we try to investigate our roots outside Portugal.
I was amazed by this idea, as I didn’t know we had a past beyond the place where generations of my family were born. She explained to me that we were Jews who assimilated in Portugal.
I began contacting Marrano descendants on Facebook and realized I wasn’t alone. I contacted Shavei Israel and Rabbi Elisha Salas, who answered my many questions with endless patience and a great deal of understanding. In the process I went through, my family understood my spiritual need to pursue this way.
In November 2011, I entered the Porto synagogue with other members of the Shavei Israel group. For the first time in my life, I took part in a prayer and felt like I had always belonged there.
This is the first time I’ll be celebrating Rosh Hashana as a Jew in my home, with my family. Rabbi Salas invited us to celebrate with him in Belmonte, with his community, but the economic situation in Portugal is unbearable, and we cannot fulfill our dream. I would love to hear the sound of a shofar, but that won’t be possible this year.
Nonetheless, I am preparing for the holiday with all my might, engaging in self-examination, and trying to cleanse my soul in order to be written in the Book of Life.
I’ll go to the sea to do the tashlich practice with my husband and daughter. It will be a special moment. On my table I’ll have the head of a fish, apples with honey, dates, pumpkin, leek and especially pomegranate.
I hope that this Rosh Hashana will be the first of many, alongside my people. Next year in Jerusalem! And I pray for the ingathering of the exiles and for the salvation of the Jewish people.
A version of this article appeared on Ynet in advance of the Jewish holidays 2012.