Shavei Q&A: Haim Fernandes, Spain
Haim Fernandes
Haim Fernandes, 68, lives in the southern Spanish city of Dos Harmanas. Now retired, he is married and has three grown children who all live near him in Seville.
Fernandes is part of the Bnei Anousim (descendants of Spanish and Portuguese Jews who were compelled to convert to Catholicism at the time of the Inquisition in the 14th and 15th centuries. Historians refer to them by the derogatory term Marranos).
He tells his story here.
What was your life like growing up?
There were still many influences from the Inquisition when I was young. For example, I was expelled from school when I was 7-years-old because my father refused to allow me to take communion in church. I still remember what they told me: “You spit on the Lord’s face, as others did before you.” My parents weren’t religious; we never talked about G-d; never mentioned the Bible. On my mother’s side, all my relatives were communists, socialists or anarchists!
When I was young, I used to visit my aunt and uncle on Friday nights. Their home was illuminated with candles and my uncle seemed to go through a transformation: he read slowly, and moved his head from one side to the other. Everything there was surrounded with mystery. When I told my father about it, he just smiled.
My uncle had a lot of books and religious items, including a transliterated siddur (prayer book) and a tallit (prayer shawl), which I would help him put away in a big wooden box under a lot of carpentry tools. He didn’t have a kippa (skullcap), so he always used a black hat. For me, he would put a handkerchief with four knots on my head.
What traditions do you keep today?
I celebrate the Sabbath together with a group organized here by Rabbi Nissan [Ben Avraham, Shavei Israel’s emissary in Spain]. When my grandchildren are at home, we also celebrate it. We have a mezuza at the entrance of the house.
What did you know about Israel growing up?
When I was young, Spain was trying to survive between hunger and misery. I didn’t know anything; I didn’t know that Israel was being reborn. Many years later, I saw the first pictures of the Zionists working their land. I even saw a photograph of Ben-Gurion. Today, I’m very proud when I see a picture of Jerusalem or hear the Hatikva (the Israeli national anthem).
What is your current level of Jewish observance?
I want to improve my knowledge of Judaism and live as a Jew the rest of my life. I want to participate in the rituals, obligations and principles of the religion. I’m making this decision as an adult, not a child. I feel that, from here, it’s worth it to try, because in many cases, I have a strange, almost indefinable, feeling when I hear the words “Israel” or “Jew”; when I see images like a Star of David, a menorah or pictures of Jerusalem.
What do you know about other Bnei Anousim in Spain?
Nowadays, when people talk about Jewish surnames, it seems like there are conversos everywhere, and that all of Spain is Jewish! But at the same time, there are not a lot of Anousim who know about their past or their heritage. The desire of maintaining a flame alive is something that, perhaps, is just on a small part of their heart. But it’s that desire – to be again part of the chain – that is, in my opinion, the secret that makes Jews invincible.
Would you want to visit or live in Israel?
I visited Israel once with Shavei. If I had the opportunity I would be very glad to visit every year.